Hypothetically Speaking

Let’s say there’s a person, purely hypothetical, of course, who keeps running the same loop. They care too much. They build trust, give affirmation, make people feel seen. And then, when the other person wobbles or flakes, they feel crushing guilt just for setting a boundary.

In their head, boundaries equal punishment. Accountability feels like rejection. Even at work, when they’re just doing their job, it feels like they’re breaking some invisible friendship contract.

Hypothetically, they grew up believing love was conditional. That the way to stay safe was to smooth things over, be the “good one,” carry other people’s weight. So decades later, when they finally hold a line, when they say, “Here’s what I need, here’s what has to happen”, their nervous system screams: You’re driving them away.

It doesn’t matter that it’s professional. It doesn’t matter that it’s reasonable. The guilt comes flooding in, as if accountability is cruelty. Which is why, in the end, business isn’t family.

But here’s the turn: accountability is not cruelty. Boundaries are not betrayal. Hypothetically, they might actually be love in disguise. Because what if real friendship can survive honesty? What if holding people to their word is a way of respecting both them and yourself?

The loop says: If I stop smoothing things over, I’ll lose the connection.
The upgrade says: If the connection only survives when I abandon myself, maybe it’s not worth keeping.

Hypothetically, some people can’t handle being held accountable at all. And you learn a lot the moment you stop protecting them from that.