Lasts

I’ve been thinking about lasts lately. Not in a grim way. Well—maybe a little. Depends on your definition. I don’t mind thinking about death or endings or how it all goes down. Why pretend otherwise? Death is part of life. I’m not Thelma-and-Louising my way off a cliff; I’ve just lived enough to be curious.

This isn’t about death. It’s about lasts.

I’ve had aquariums on and off most of my life. It started with a 20-gallon tank and way too many goldfish. Looking back, they were basically the cats of the aquatic world—messy, indifferent, and mildly entitled.

Setting up a tank always feels sacred at first. The gravel, the heater, the water conditioner, the little fake castle you swear is “for the fish.” You press your nose to the glass at the pet store, point at your chosen one, and carry that sloshing bag home like a heart transplant. Then comes the best part—cutting the bag open, letting the fish dart into its new world. You built this place for them. They explore every inch, mapping it like it’s the ocean.

Eventually, a routine forms. You feed them, sit beside the glass, sometimes play music—because who knows, maybe there’s a reincarnated backup dancer in there somewhere.

Then one day, they slow down. They stop coming up for food. The sparkle’s gone. It shifts from living to just… existing. Fish don’t sit; they swim. When they start sitting at the bottom, you know what’s next.

I use a little clove oil first—it puts them to sleep—then I move them to the freezer. It sounds odd, I know. But they were lives, small ones, and they deserve mercy.

The last one died this week. I emptied the tank, dried the glass, and realized I’ll probably never set up another. Maybe someday, a single betta. But that era of the big tank is done.

It made me think about all the other lasts that already happened without me noticing. You never know when something ordinary will be the final time. There’s no alarm that sounds. Time just keeps cycling forward. You can be sinking and swimming at the same time.

It’s funny—setting up an aquarium is a lot like a relationship.

Most people just keep feeding the water long after the fish are gone.